Sacrifical Lamb, served up piping hot!

I did 5 min at Taylor's Pub on July 11th. Being the newbie and outside the 'inner circle' of the "GBC" (the Go Bananas Cabal), I was chosen to go first on stage.

Good times were had all 'round. I had a fun time, but it was difficult cutting my material back, as well as going first. I had to cut my whole colonoscopy bit, but I did a little riff on my newly stitched hand (never argue with an electric hedge trimmer) with a call back to my tourettes bit.

I can't remember everyone's name, some new guys I'd never seen perform before (they were great btw) plus all the regular guys from the Go Bananas contest and writing group. (well done - you know who you are).

I've come to a conclusion... I need to redo my whole set. Make things less 'storytelling' and more 'setup/punchline' (except for the colonoscopy bit). How to do this?

Intro/dog bit - go right into joke(s)... more Steven Wright-ish... just a wacky setup... "I took my dog to the carwash..." with no lead in story about *how* he got dirty... (btw - I actually REMEMBERED to do this bit after the doggie prison guard bit!!)

Tourettes - same thing... just go right to the setup. "I think I've got tourettes..." Cut out the "I read about it on the internet..."

Sex Addict - pretty much unchanged, maybe tighten it up?

Colonoscopy - leave as is.

If I tighten it up, I can have a good 5 minutes. Enough to add more new stuff or do a short set if needed. (like the Taylor's Pub gig)

Also, I spoke with Ray Price after the last Funnybone open mic... he said he'll try to squeeze me in, next available opportunity. I like the Funnybone, but it seems that Go Bananas has better crowds. Maybe it's just the claustrophobically low ceiling that makes it seem more crowded?

Enough for now. I must go lay and sweat. I wish I had AC.

Perspiringly Yours,

The Morkster

War of the Words!

Welcome back to the comedy capers of me, Chris Mork, The 'L. Ron Hubbard' of comedy! Join my cult of personality and get total comedic enlightment!

Sorry - lost my mind there for a minute. Long time no blog. I've been busy with mundane things like a day job and trying to get a mortgage. Do you think my credit rating will go up if I put 'up and coming comedian' on my resume? Why is my credit score so low? Maybe one of my creditors has actually seen me 'perform'?

So, what's going on... I'm due to perform at an open mic @ Taylor's Pub on July 11th. I need to get some details on performing... I think I get 5 min, but I'm not sure. I'll have to cut something in my set which is normally about 7-8min. Let's see... intro / dog / hypo-tourettes / sex addict / colonoscopy / finish. I'm trying to figure out how to cut or shorten bits. I can just do the tourettes-flu bit and cut out the whole 'doctor call' intro? Sex addict is ok as is, fairly short and sight gag/punchline is fine. I'll have to contact the organizer of the gig to get a definate time.

What else? Oh Yeah! Went to a comedy writing get together at Go Bananas. Very fun and interesting to talk with and compare notes with some local semi-pros and amateurs. I really wanted to go again but my idiotic schedule at work is preventing me from making it on a regular basis. Its great to get on stage and work out new bits, but to get to the club by 5pm on a weekday in that area with the terrible traffic is just aggravating!

Speaking of trying new bits, I just rented the Seinfeld documentary 'Comedian'. I know it's been out for a while, but I've only been doing this for 7 months or so. Really interesting seeing the evolution of jokes, behind the scenes stuff, and some behind-the-back snarking and backstabbing that goes on amongst comedians. It's one of the few dvds I've ever rented and then felt compelled to buy.

Speaking of movies, I just got back from seeing the new 'War of the Worlds' by Speilburg (sp) and Tom Cruise. (thus explaining the post title and the L. Ron Hubbard comment) One word review... AWESOME! I haven't gone to a movie in quite a while that elicited such emotion in me! I don't want to give away any spoilers but I'm normally not freaked out by thunderstorms. After I got out of the movie, there were storms rolling in and I was getting creeped out! LOL! I know it wasn't true to the original HG Wells, or copied from the first movie, so I didn't know what was 'coming next'. I was rivited, gripping my seat, and actually said 'yeah!' out loud when one of the alien craft was brought down. I normally watch a movie in silence, but this had such LARGE and over-the-top effects that my heart was pounding.

Well, I didn't intend this to be a movie review. Enough for now. Summation: go rent 'Comedian', go out and see 'War of the Worlds'. Mork signing off! Nanoo-nanoo!

That's weird!? There's no thunder.

Ernest T. Bass is my hero!

I'm sorry to hear of the passing of the comedic actor Howard Morris (1919-2005), best known for his character Ernest T. Bass from the Andy Griffith Show. His hillbilly giggle always cracked me up! Website

Well, on to today's post...

Since last time I posted, I performed a short set at The Funnybone Comedy Club in Newport, KY last week. It was scary and exhilirating (oh! did I just use a highfalutin word!) Surprisingly, I seemed to overcome my pre-show jitters. I still was a little nervous, but I got through it ok. On the bill were some relative newbies (myself included), some seasoned vets (1-5 yrs experience) and a pro headliner.

I observed and learned some important things about timing and punchlines. I like my 'story' style of joking, but I really need more 'punch' type bits. i.e. I have my set pared down to: intro, dog, hypochondriac/tourettes, sex addict, monkey/sausage, colonoscopy, end. The dog bit is pretty straight forward setup/punchline. The hypochondriac/tourettes is more storylike, sex addict is a longer setup/punchline bit, monkey sausage is a set/punch that leads into a short story, and the colonoscopy is a true story which is about the final 25% of the set.

After watching the more seasoned comedians last Wed. I saw that they seemed to get more spontaneous laughter, whereas I got more sustained giggles leading up to the final big laugh when I finish my 'stories'. I think I'm gonna try more set/punch stuff and see how it goes. Since my stuff is sort of whacky (mostly fantastical) I'll probably go for a Hedberg / Wright approach... If I can only remember a bunch of jokes, that is! :-)

Great job everyone who got up: Ray Price, Tina Klusty, Dave Waite (the), Brett Patterson (I think), Ken Ferguson, Tim Jones, and Jeff Jena. (did I forget anyone else?)

Oh well, that's all for today... don't make me throw a rock through your window! Hehehehe!

New dates, new material

Long time no blog!

Has it really been that long? Is anybody reading this? How many questions can I put in the first paragraph?

Anyhoo... Just a quick note, I've got 2 more open mics planned in the near future. The usual at Steve's Pub in Walton, KY on the first Wed. of May (I've gotta write new stuff), and more importantly... A 6-8 min set at The Funnybone on May 18th!! WooHoo!! Hopefully, Jeff Jena can keep this a regular event. Here's a link: May 18th Show

I'm gonna have to brush up on my best stuff, and polish my delivery. I'm gonna do most of my regular stuff with a little new stuff thrown in.

Check out the link. Come on down to the show if you're in town. Go lick a pine scented car air freshener. Well, try the first two at least. :-)

Mork signing off!

The Largest Heckler I've Ever Seen

What do a train and an open mic have in common? I don't know, but a train can sure interrupt a set.

I was doing an open mic last Thursday at Steve's Pub in Walton, KY and discovered the bar is right next to some train tracks. To start off, I was strangely nervous... no reason, I just felt 'off my game' and wasn't quite up for the festivities. I bravely volunteered to go first, just because I felt some nerves coming on and wanted to get it over with asap.

I was doing about 75% of my regular stuff and the rest untested material. It was a balmy night in the town of Walton, and the bar had the back doors open to let in the fresh air. I'm on stage, trying to remember my lines, when I hear this strange rumbling noise... I look to my right, and out the back door, and suddenly a train blares his horn as he passes about 20 ft. away from the back of the building! LOL! I literally had to stop and wait for the train to pass! Unfortunatly, I think this got my best laugh of the night! :-)

Again... my set had my common framework, but I added some stuff I though would go over, unfortunately it did NOT! I actually got my first *real* heckler! Not too bad, I think he was just messing around, nothing really hateful. There were only about 25 people total in the bar, so He was just a regular who probably wanted the comedian gone so the jukebox could start playing again. My set was intro/new 'comedian' bit/dog bit/hypochondriac/sex addict/colonoscopy/new cowbell bit/new amish bit/new 'never list' bit/end

Of the new bits, I think half of the cowbell bit worked, the amish bit might be ok(?), the 'never list' may work, I just need a whole big bunch of tested ones that work. I know I seemed lackluster and slouched my way through my old stuff. I am going to have to record my stuff and replay it for rote memorization. I know I can do better.

Enough about me... Also on stage were Denise Hodge, who was working a tight 5min set to prep for the Sierra Mist competition. I 've never seen her perform before, and I thought she was great. Tina Klusty was the emcee and was polished. I really wish she would do MORE time. She seems more at ease on stage now than at the graduation performance at the Funnybone. Just 'cause she is the emcee doesn't mean she has to cut her time down. There's no 'light' at this open mic. Then came Ray Price. Funny as ever. He always seems down on his performances but I always find his stuff funny. Unfortunatly, given the location of Walton (i.e. semi rural, i.e. 'country') Some of his stuff seemed to fall flat. Ray has some 'liberal' viewpoints, and I could tell the crowd didn't quite agree with or 'get' some of his stuff. George Bush jokes and Sims humor may not go over in a 'red state'. I still though they were funny.

After the show we all sat around and compared notes, and I appreciated the input.

Oh well, enough for now. I must sleep in preparation for my utterly astounding and incredibly fantastic, not to mention migrane inducing and mind-numbingly inane day job. (have I mentioned I hate my job?)

In closing, let me quote the great B&O rail line... WOOO-WOOO! (haha - very funny)

Too much eye candy leads to brain decay

Hideeho neighboreenos!

I have come to the conclusion that I watch too much tv. I actually watched an episode of 'Extreme Makeover'. The thought that normally comes to mind is 'I would rather roll in my own puke than watch reality tv.' Well, I watched, and I didn't end up smelling like vomit.

Why am I emparting these gross words of wisdom upon you the readers? Umm... well... err... I don't really know, but I will tell you this... I came up with some interesting bits that used funny comparisons or zingers. Examples:

Never trust a landscaper with clean fingernails / never trust a surgeon with dirty fingernails.
Never trust a plumber named Rusty.
Never buy a wooden leg from a woman named Eileen.
Never hire a one-armed lion trainer
Never hire an ugly plastic surgeon.
Never trust a dog named 'Killer' / never trust a cat
Never buy a used car from a guy in a new suit / never buy a new car from a guy in an old suit

I came up with 2 whole pages of examples in the time that I watched 'Extreme Makeover'! I'm gonna try them out at my next open mic and see how they go over.

It's been fun! Time to go! Must make sentences shorter!

Surfing the 'net, drowning in the gene pool

It's surprising what you can find on the internet on a slow news day.

I came across a website selling braille messages on t-shirts. Let me repeat that... braille messages on t-shirts. The first thing, in all honesty, that came to mind was if you were reading a womans shirt and she got aroused would it cause a typo? How about on a cold day?

I've seen some odd stuff, but this ranks right up there with the diesel powered turtleneck sweater and the electric dog polisher.

This was a short news day. No new material, no rants, no fun.

Mostly Harmless